Simple Rules For Life

While I won't profess to having followed all of these rules consistently throughout my entire life, here's one guy's thoughts on how to live your life decently enough (i.e. not being a fucking scumbag like many of the people out there) while not being a complete robot/slave to the wills of others.

1. Treat People the Same Way They Treat You - The slogan was always treat your neighbor the way you want to be treated or the way they want to be treated, or something like that. But the fact is, if someone is an asshole to you, you should be an asshole back. It's all well and good to say turn the other cheek and all that, but if someone was really disrespectful to me then needed my help, I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire. A man (or woman) has a right to some self-respect and that means saying Fuck Off to the people who have wronged you. Of course, if someone wrongs you and then apologizes or it was just a misunderstanding, that's different. A misunderstanding is your own fault and apologies only come out of decent people.

So the flip then is that the good and decent folks out there who have never given you a reason to dislike them... they deserve to be treated well. Pretty obvious really. The important thing to remember though is that people you don't really know, strangers on the street, they default to good and decent. The only people who deserve to be shit upon are the ones who shit on you first. I'm not saying run out and give your kidney to a stranger, but if they accidentally bump into you on the street, don't act like an asshole and get all upset. Straightforward, I think.

2. If You Don't Like It, Fuck You - Or alternatively, Don't Impose Your Own Opinions on Other People. Let people come to their own conclusions about whatever and anything in life. If you're wearing a giant purple hat down 5th Avenue, people are going to look at you cock-eyed and think you're crazy. But if you want to wear a giant purple hate, do it, and fuck everyone else. Who gives a shit in the long run? We're all gonna die some time anyway. May as well let the freak flag fly when you can. People are too judgmental and that's kind of okay. That's going to happen no matter what. The problem is when people get upset about other people's judgments. If someone thinks you're an asshole, but you think you're awesome, well then fuck that guy (and also, see rule 1). Aside from people whose opinions you actually value (your family and friends namely [see below]), everyone else has shit for brains and you shouldn't care about their opinions. Ever.

3. Take Care of Your Family and Friends - This should go without saying, yet people all the time treat their family like shit or disrespect the people they call friends. Look, we're all gonna die, right? This might be it. Your friends and family are the only thing that make this random happenstance of existence on this rock flying through space have any real meaning. If you don't show respect to the people who actually like you, then you are clearly an asshole and don't deserve it in the first place.

I guess this is all common sense, but this is what I have always tried to do in my own life and in my experiences it seems like a lot of people have no common sense. So here it is to whoever will read it. You can sum it all up though with a quote from the good Reverend Jesse Custer's father in the Vertigo series "Preacher": You got to be one of the good guys, cause there's way too many of the bad. Amen, preacher.

My Rules for Living - #1 - Just Move

This is the first in a series of posts that will examine the in's and out's of how I live my life, and how you, and other common American citizenry should live yours. I expect there to be 10, since ten is the arbitrary number for most lists and digits in sets of hands or feet. Still, I will go on ad infinitum as needed since this is my damn website and I will do what I please.

Rule #1: "Just Move"

Or as it is most days, "Fucking move!" Look, I live in New York City. I work in Rockefeller Center. There's a lot of goddamn people going about their business every which way here. Especially at Rock Center around Christmas time, or in godforsaken Times Square all of the time, there's a lot of commotion on the sidewalks. I've got long legs and I like to move fast. I don't like just standing around and I especially do not like walking behind human dump trucks who stop every sixteen inches to take a different look at the same buildings. This includes both tourists and fat locals.

It's really simple. On public walkways, just keep walking. Don't stop, for any reason, ever. Your son or daughter has gone missing? Just keep walking. Your having a baby? Just keep walking. You don't have legs or feet? Just keep rolling and/or scraping along. Or at least just sidestep like, 2 feet. Are you so oblivious to the world that you don't realize the throngs of yearning masses walking behind you?

This rule is most needed for people who decide to just stop walking completely and, of course, you crash right into them. The best comes when this rocket scientist says "Hey watch where you're going!" in a snooty voice. No asshole, you are the one at fault here, not me. People like this should be shot in the face.

Related to the concept of "Fucking move," is "fucking get out of my way!" This rule is most needed when people are already situated on a sidewalk, just standing there, not really doing much of anything, and the stream of traffic has to part to go around them. I like to pretend to be blind and just plow straight into them full force. That teaches them. Don't even get me started on blind people...

Thus ends our first rule. Don't stop moving. Ever. Just. Fucking. Go.